Healing From Trauma & What That Means For You!

Healing From Trauma & What That Means For You!

We hear about trauma all the time, but do we really understand what it is, how it is affecting us today and how it is shaping our future? If you are reading this, it’s likely that you are wondering the same.  How do we know if we have been affected by trauma? A few weeks ago, I did an introductory interview for my Facebook Community, to my friend Carol from Moveon Counselling and we discussed just that and I wanted to share it with you too! You might be surprised to learn that ‘trauma’ doesn’t always have to be caused by a catastrophic event to be classed as trauma. Read on to hear what Carol has to say and watch our chat to find out more. I hope you enjoy, Cassie. x A message from Carol of Moveon Counselling Being a parent or carer is hard work!! Especially if the person you are caring for needs a lot of support and displays behaviours that need a lot of patience and understanding. It can be pretty overwhelming and never ending! When you’ve had a life that’s thrown you a lot of challenges, then having to cope with the day-to-day problems that come with caregiving and living with disability just seems unfair. Surely life was never meant to be this hard?? When we are born and throughout our childhood, we are discovering, learning and working out what the world is like. Is it safe? Is there a place for me? Am I lovable? Beliefs Beliefs are developed at this time and sometimes they’re negative. They can stay with us for the rest of our...
Does It Matter If Your Child Has High Or Low Functioning Autism?

Does It Matter If Your Child Has High Or Low Functioning Autism?

What’s the difference between high and low functioning autism – and why does it matter? Like many of you, I am a member of several different Facebook groups which relate to my role as a carer – in my case, groups related to autism. I saw a post the other day, written by a distressed mother of an autistic child. She wanted to know why we kept referring to our children as ‘high’ or ‘low’ functioning – she felt that the way it was used meant that if your child wasn’t classified as ‘high’ it made them not as good somehow… What followed were over 200 comments of what ‘high’ and ‘low’ functioning meant to everyone – and the range of responses was astoundingly varied. So, what is the difference? A quick Google search revealed the following top response: “People with autism are often described as being ‘high functioning’ or ‘low functioning’. But there are no such diagnoses in the diagnostic manual. This means that the difference between high and low functioning autism can, in many cases, be based on the personal perspectives of a practitioner or teacher”. Source: https://verywell.com Not exactly helpful, is it?! Let’s consider children on the Autism spectrum The general consensus from my research, is that children who are able to communicate well, are more aware of social conventions, can manage well in academic settings, and quite often appear ‘normal’ are considered ‘high functioning’; whereas children who have limited or no spoken language, look and sound different to their peers, and are less likely to be included in typical classes or activities in an academic...
Mama You Are Not Alone!

Mama You Are Not Alone!

You are not alone. Being a carer as well as a parent has got to be one of the loneliest jobs in the World. I lost it this week. Completely. Totally. I’m talking crazy-person, screaming type of losing it. I’d finally hit rock bottom and knew with certainty that I’d failed as a mother. I couldn’t do it anymore. I have tried so hard, fought so hard for my kids, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had completely and utterly failed. I’ve never felt so alone. How could I reach out for help and admit that at this very moment, I hated being a mother? I could barely believe that I had thought it – let alone admit it to anyone. The fear of judgement and the hatred of myself was tearing me apart. I crawled into bed and didn’t move for hours. How had it gotten to this point? Sure, my kids have special needs and require a lot of patience, help and support… but others seem to handle it with aplomb. Why is it that I can’t handle it? Why do my kids manage to trigger my anxiety and send me into a depressive state, in just a single moment? Why was I the only mother who couldn’t cope with what I’d been dealt? Why was I such a failure? I finally got the answer to my question the next morning. In a heartfelt conversation with my ex-husband, I admitted how I felt. I let it all out – and braced myself for the judgement that was sure to follow. Instead, he admitted that he...
8 Reasons Why You Could Be In Overwhelm & How To Overcome The Trap

8 Reasons Why You Could Be In Overwhelm & How To Overcome The Trap

The Overwhelm Trap! Often as parents and carers, we are so busy coordinating and caring; that we aren’t mindful of our own behaviours and emotions. Or if we are, we attempt to suppress and ignore them. With strict care regimes and the necessities of treatments, medications, appointments, specialists, therapies, endless paperwork and advocacy; there just doesn’t seem to be much time left for anything else! Over time, we inevitably come to accept the emotional ups and downs and take them as a ‘given’. We convince ourselves that this is just ‘life’. We find ourselves putting our needs last and accept the fact that what we want and need doesn’t matter anymore; or that no one understands.  It’s so easy to arrive in this place, and it can sneak up on you without you even realising it. Are you caught in the trap? Have you been struggling with any of the following? Decline in physical or mental health Trying to be everything to everybody Uncertainty over the future Little or no support from family and friends Adjusting to the perceptions of your role as a carer Guilt over trying to find time for yourself, or not finding any time at all Financial difficulty, or Finding the right care, resources and support? If you have answered “Yes” to any of these, then you could be headed down the road of overwhelm and heading straight towards burnout. But, here is the good news: it doesn’t have to be that way! Be aware of the signs and symptoms In my experience, characteristics of overwhelm and burnout are different for everybody, but can include: Tiredness/lethargy...
Why self-care is not about you!

Why self-care is not about you!

“…okay if I don’t have space in my cup then I’m not actually able to serve these people, my children, the people that I’m caring for, the way that I want to and I need to” Emma, Tree House Family Counselling     Personally, I believe that the term “self-care” is thrown around so much in the health & wellbeing circles that it has, for the most part, lost its meaning and impact. If I were to ask you to think about the following questions “does self-care mean anything to you” or “what does self-care mean to you?”  What conjures up in your mind?  Does your mind wander to bubble baths, glasses of bubbles, massages, long lunches and day-spa’s?  OR Do your eyes glaze over and your mind shut off?! What conjures up in your mind?  Does your mind wander to bubble baths, glasses of bubbles, massages, long lunches and day-spa’s?  OR Do your eyes glaze over and your mind shut off?! OR Do your eyes glaze over and your mind shut off?! Do your eyes glaze over, roll into the back of your head and your mind shut off?! As much as those luxuries would be super welcome in my life, are they realistic and achievable every day for most of us? NO. The term “Self-Care” by its nature suggest’s it is about “self” but in a caregiving context and even as a person who has responsibility for nurturing & caring for other humans it is anything but. As a carer or parent, you are on call 24/7.  The responsibility is enormous and the stakes are high. What happens...